Why?

Why?   Why what, you're probably asking.

That's the thing right now; I don't know. Something is niggling at me, in the back of my head, what it is I don't know. But why? Well, that's the bigger question that I'm unable to answer.

Been there for .. the best part of a week I think now. its like a very weak acid in the back of my mind, slowly eating away at me , but I can't quite place what kind it is that's there or why it is there in the first place.

It's affecting my school work; I'm unable to concentrate on what I'm doing; I've become very forgetful with things;practically cried myself to sleep most of the week, with the exception of two or three days( tonight will probably be no exception) ; my urges to clean things are going through the roof; and above all, I'm aware the way I'm communicating with other people is different somehow. 

I want it gone, I want it to leave me alone. Or if I can't have that, at least tell me why. Why are you doing this to me? You demonic monster inside my head, what pleasure are you getting from messing with my mind? If I wasn't feeling like I was already in a spiralling black hole, then well done - you've not succeeded in creating that horrible mindset. 

Little things are bugging me - the wrong tone of voice upsets me, I'm easily agitated even if someone's only messing with me. I don't know what to do to make it go away, I want it gone. Not sure how to make it go away, if I can't, I'm not sure how in the world anyone else is going to make it leave. I don't care how it's expelled though, as long as it is,  and I don't have to feel as if something is corroding my mind to the point where I'll find it incredibly difficult to feel anything other than a deep sadness -  because that's all that seems to be with me when I'm alone now.

 Before, Maybe a few months ago I was content to be alone at night. But now .. Every time I am alone it's like I don't belong any more, I shouldn't be here. And that idea has been hammered into my head even more over the last week. It's got me questioning whether I really should be here or not, despite knowing perfectly well I SHOULD be. I have a purpose. Yet this horrible little ghoul within my mind is determined to make me feel otherwise. The darkness that surrounds me at night penetrates my head, seeps into my mind and twists the happy thoughts I may be having into nightmares. If my childhood nightmares return, I swear I'll go mad - and believe me that will not be a pretty thing for those around me to endure.

I'm going to sleep now, or more I'm hoping I'll manage to. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Goodnight to all you bloggers; Hope you can have your sweet dreams.