Days 19 & 20 - A letter for every day

19-Someone that pesters your mind

20-The person who broke your heart the hardest

I have been doing these letters on Vampirefreaks, but since the site is currently down and I don't want to miss doing any more days I'll do them on here till further notice.

Dear Ross,

        Not sure who I can write about for this one that it won't be written in a negative form ( Other than Tony, but He's getting about a million other letters from me so trying to vary :P )  But yea. I often think about you, you're my big cousin and I'm closer to you than any others, mainly because despite the fact you live the furthest away I still see you more often than my cousins who live about 15 minutes away. Okay I may not be able to confide in you about stuff, cause to be honest I get the impression you don't really care that much about personal stuff, but even then I can still relax and be myself around you, I don't need to hide anything. I guess the fact that you don't question my moods or anything is also a good thing because .. half the time, I don't really feel like talking. You just generally make me laugh, or even if we ain't talking we can snuggle up on the couch and just watch TV without it being .. weird, or taken in any other way than just close family.  You have comforted me before and I do feel that if I need certain questions answered you can help me, at the end of the day I  don't think I trust anyone more within the family than you. And that included my own dad, because I know you won't lecture me or push your own opinions on me like he does with things, and he tends to go off on a rant about something or other that has nothing to do with what I asked in the first place!  

 I hate it when you leave after you've been up here, I feel like a small part of me is suddenly gone. It hurts, especially since you never seem all that phased about leaving but then again you don't tend to show your emotions that much lol. Most of all though, I'm not scared of you like I am with my other male cousins, I am genuinely scared of them or talking to them for no reason. That in itself means a lot to me.

Not sure what else to say, so gunna leave it there.

Your lil cousin,

Hazla 

xxx

Dear Don, 

           I know I've already written about you but .. this is going to be about a particular aspect of us. You broke up with me after a couple of months which is fair enough, but it hurt- it fucking hurt. The reason you broke up with me? Because you didn't want your parents to get suspicious you were dating ..... Man, If you had done it face to face I would have fucking slapped you. I know that there was an age gap between us that would have probably irked them a little bit .. but ffs man up, if you really cared that much about me would you have been bothered about them not liking me? you were 19. NINETEEN, and you were still letting your parents dominate your life. Come on, I was 14 and I demanded more freedom from my parents than you ever tried.  The worst part though? Despite the fact that you knew I was with someone else a few months down the line, you continuously made me feel guilty for dating someone other than you.  It was you that left me, jeezus fucking christ. Did you really think I was going to wait around at 14 for the possibility you might have actually grown some balls? NO. I had found someone that genuinely made me happy, never let me down ( like you did on several occasions )  and never tried to make me feel guilty or jealous or anything on purpose. You mindfucked me Don, and it stayed with me for so long after we broke up and to this day sometimes I still get random twangs of guilt when you speak to me, because everytime now you're asking me who you can date .... HOW SHOULD I KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU CAN DATE. Ask them, not me. I know you can't deal with new people easily but jeez, stop putting yourself down and make an effort.

Your ex, 

Hazla.

xxx