Words aren't meaning much to me these days. 

Trust also isn't meaning much.

Think I'm losing my trust in everyone I'm close to, and I don't know why.

Tell me one thing, I'll think you're trying to say something else.

Be nice to me, I'll think you're trying to cover something up.

Say you like me or love me as a friend or whatever, I'll be thinking you're just saying it because you don't want to upset me with the truth. Be thinking you secretly hate me.

I can't shake the feeling that people are hiding things from me. Or not telling me something I should know. It hurts, it really hurts. 

I'm beginning to strongly resent my attraction to girls. why? 

Because I get insanely jealous. I tend to get attracted to girls I want to be like. Not a good mix, so I'm thinking in my head 'wow, this girl is hot .. why can't I look like that .."  it makes me feel sick. I then get obsessed and feel like shit. Why can't I just feel, and think like a normal person any more.

It hurts so much worse, when guys talk to me about girls. I'll be agreeing, making my own comments or whatever on them, or even discussing me WITH whoever this girl may be,  but just thinking; "please .. please stop .. I can't think about her anymore, stop .. "

I'm close, so so close on relapsing on my s/h .. whether it be by cutting or purging, biting or scratching. Don't know yet, we'll see if it happens what it's going to be.

I'm sick of feeling like shit about myself.

I'm sick of always being the fat one.

I'm sick of trying to lose weight and failing.

I'm sick of feeling sick.

I'm sick of being jealous.

I'm sick of constantly feeling like the worlds biggest hypocrite.

I'm sick of being attracted to girls.

I'm sick of feeling numb.

I'm sick of being scared.

I'm sick of wanting help, but being scared to speak.

I'm sick of being so untrusting.

I'm sick of feeling like an attention seeker all the time.

I'm sick of constantly worrying.

I'm sick of wanting to be someone else.

I'm sick of trying to be myself.

I'm sick of hiding.

I'm sick of humanity.

I'm sick of crying.

I'm sick of trying.